If you’re not a runner, you may find yourself confused about how to talk to marathon runners. They seem to speak their own language and they sometimes get upset or annoyed by comments or questions that you consider harmless. To help improve communication, here are some questions and comments that marathon runners just don’t want to hear, with suggestions for some better comments to make.
1. Don’t say: “Why aren’t you losing weight?”
It’s actually fairly common for runners to NOT lose weight, especially if they’re training for a long-distance event like a marathon. While a runner may be aware that their running isn’t leading to weight loss, they certainly don’t want to be reminded of that fact.
Instead, try this: Ask them what benefits they’ve experienced now that they’re running regularly. Some runners find that they don’t lose weight, but they feel more energetic and less stressed. Find out the reasons they run, and don’t assume that one of them is to lose weight.
2. Don’t say: “I can’t believe YOU are running a marathon!”
While this comment may be meant as a compliment (sort of a back-handed one), there’s a good chance it could be taken the wrong way. The recipient might assume that you mean he or she is too fat/out of shape/old/etc. to be a marathon runner.
Instead, try this: Tell your friend how impressed you are with his or her commitment to the training and the decision to take on such a huge mental and physical challenge.
3. Don’t say: “Running is so boring!”
Someone who loves to run doesn’t want to hear that their favorite hobby is boring. And even those runners who don’t always like to run don’t want to be reminded that it can be mundane.
Instead, try this: If you really think running is boring, ask your favorite runner how she keeps it interesting. You never know, you may pick up a few boredom-busting tips that change the way you view running.
4. Don’t say: “Why are you so upset about being injured? I’d be happy if a doctor told me not to run!”
It’s difficult for non-runners to understand the emotional side of having a running injury but, trust me, it can be devastating for a runner to be told by a doctor that she can’t run.
Instead, try this: No matter how much you think your friend is overreacting about a running injury, try to be sympathetic. Tell her how you know that she’s trained really hard up until this point and you can understand why she would be disappointed. Make plans to do something fun, like see a show, to help get her mind off of her injury.
5. Don’t say: “Are you sure it’s safe for you to do a marathon?”
Whatever your reason (which may be well-intentioned) for this question, it’s really none of your business. His or her doctor should be telling her whether or not it’s safe to be doing a marathon.
Instead, try this: Ask her how the training is going – marathon trainees are always looking for an excuse to talk about her training!
Also see: Should I Run a Marathon?
6. Don’t say: “Your feet look disgusting!”
Yes, it’s true that marathon runners usually don’t have the prettiest feet. And I know lots of runners who are too embarrassed about their black toenails and blistered feet, and callused toes. So they certainly don’t want someone making them feel more self-conscious about their ugly feet.
Instead, try this: Hearing something like, ”Wow, those are the feet of a well-trained runner!” may help your friend change her mind and realize she has brag-worthy feet.
7. Don’t say: “You’re almost there!”
Race spectators are very well-intentioned when they tell runners they’re close to the finish line. But, in reality, race participants don’t want to be told they’re “almost there” because even if there’s just a half mile left, it feels like it will take forever to get there
Instead, try this: If you’re spectating at a marathon or other race, pick an encouraging phrase that doesn’t have a reference to the distance. Something like, “Way to go!”, “Keep it up” or “Looking strong!” are always phrases that racers want to hear. Or hold up a marathon sign with a funny or inspiring phrase if you don’t feel like saying anything.
8. Don’t say: “So, how far is this marathon?”
While some marathoners may be amused by this question, others might get annoyed. The person might assume your interest in their endeavor is disingenuous since you haven’t bothered to learn the basic facts about a marathon or you haven’t been paying attention when they’ve talked about their training and the race. And they really don’t want to make you feel dumb by saying, “By definition, a marathon is always the same distance: 26.2 miles.”
Instead, try this: Asking “So, what’s the course like for this marathon?” tells the person that you’re interested in her marathon goal enough to know that the course, not the distance, is different for every marathon and it can have a huge effect on performance. The runner will be happy to share pros and cons about the course, since she’s most likely already studied it.
9. Don’t say: “Do you feel guilty for spending all that time training, away from your family?”
Yes, training for a marathon is a big time commitment, and most runners feel some level of guilt about the time away from their families and friends. But they certainly don’t want someone to remind them about the guilt.
Instead, try this: Say something like, “I’m so impressed that you’re able to manage the training with all your other responsibilities. What’s your secret to success?” Your friend might admit that she feels guilty about missing time with family and friends. But she’ll probably also tell you the training is beneficial for her physical, emotional, and mental health, and that makes her a better person. Personally, I’m much easier to live with when I’m running regularly!
10. Don’t say: “So, did you beat Oprah’s time?”
Someone who just finished a marathon is extremely proud of his or her accomplishment. But if you start asking questions about how his or her time compares to Oprah’s marathon time (it was 4:29:15) or other celebrities’ marathon times or how he or she finished compared to others in the race, he or she just might start feeling a little deflated.
Instead, try this: Congratulate your friend on his or her incredible accomplishment! Instead of really putting her on the spot, ask her a general, “How did it go?” That will give her a chance to brag about which celebrities she crushed or how she beat her PR, if she wants to talk about it.
Running coach, marathon runner, and fitness writer Christine Luff is an RRCA-certified running coach and ACE-certified personal trainer. Founder of the website Run for Good and author of the book Run for Good: How to Create a Lifelong Running Habit, she coaches runners, from beginners to advanced, who are training for races, from 5Ks to marathons.
